Ten "sweet nothings"

I don't understand "xoxo." A hug followed by a kiss is cool. But a hug followed by a kiss, followed by another hug and a kiss? Creepy.

I went to Benihana's yesterday and ordered takeout. I saw through the bullshit.

I assume a single girl who is constantly getting flowers is constantly getting flowers with even-numbered petals. He loves me ..... he loves me not. Damn!

Happy person: Ahh, it doesn't get any better than this.

English major: Wow, that's cynical.

There are few things shittier than stepping in dog shit.

A realistic motivational speaker once said, "You are the master of your own fate! Except when things aren't meant to be."

From the cutting room floor at Hallmark: Happy Father's Day, motherfucker!

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress."

-- some rapist, I'm guessing.

A butterfly is just a more physically attractive fly who spends its life hanging out in exotic locations rather than the dark, putrid places a fly usually finds itself in. A butterfly is adored, whereas a fly spends its entire life just trying not to die or be killed. I watched "The Wire." This all makes sense to me.

They say laughter is the best medicine. I put this theory to the test the last time I got really sick and almost died laughing.