Chef (1997-2006)

That "fruity little club" scrambled his brains, pushed him to abandon all his loved ones, and ultimately killed him (via flames, impalement, and grizzly bear).

Just an all-around brilliant way to bid farewell to the Chef character. Irreverent, sharp, and, as my friend Ruben would say: "Sad. Sweet. Funny."

Obviously Isaac Hayes wasn't going to return to voice tonight's new episode, so the show's writers ended up splicing together all of Chef's sexed-up sound-bytes from previous seasons to form his dialogue. You have to hear the result in order to get a true idea of how clever this was. The intonation of Chef's lines was haywire, making him sound like some sort of android gone wrong. Totally added to the not-so-subtle "Isaac Hayes-has-been-brainwashed-by-scientology" theme of the episode.

Anyways, on the topic of scientology. . . . if you ever want to be blown away by the limitless possibilities of man and the gobbledygook he can manufacture with his own brain, check out the official scientology web site when you have a chance.

Seriously. It's mind-blowing stuff.

The story behind scientology and its founder, L. Ron Hubbard, is utterly fascinating. For starters, I've learned that before Hubbard created the Church of Scientology, he made his bones as a science-fiction writer in the 30's and 40's. Yes, science fiction. This should come as no surprise to those of you who have read about Xenu, scientology's evil galactic ruler, the creator of fear, and commander of Death Star.

(Check out the "Trapped In The Closet" South Park episode on scientology on YouTube. I'm told that the whole segment on Xenu is actually true.)

Incidentally, I also learned that scientologists are anti-drugs.

Sniff.