A warning for those of you who pick up Sports Illustrated's swimsuit issue this week. This is only because I care.

Venus Williams has a 5-page spread in it.

I repeat.

Venus Williams has a 5-page spread in it.

I want to let you guys know in advance so you don't get blindsided like I did. I looked at all 5 photos, for reasons I can't fully explain right now. It was human instinct, I guess, the same phenomenon that leads us to sniff at our own farts.

The horror.

The horror.

You'll have to use the jaws of life to remove those images from my head.