As if we need another reason to hate each other -- pointing out petty differences between two things is always the best way to start a conflict -- I've discovered yet another difference between New York and LA: In New York, you can walk on the streets and suddenly realize someone famous is walking beside you. In LA, you can see someone famous on the streets, but only if you can "Where's Waldo?" your way behind his bodyguards and/or his entourage. Chances are, if you live in LA and you've seen a celebrity, there was a gate between the two of you and the sighting only lasted a few seconds because his bodyguards were rushing him into his stretch Escalade.

Cell-phone call from New York: "Dude, I'm sitting two tables behind Eva Mendez."

Cell-phone call from LA: "Dude, I'm at Staples Center, and I just saw Kobe driving away in his Jag."

Big difference.

(By the way, you ever wonder why we say "walking on the street"? Shouldn't it be "walking on the sidewalk"?
Anyways....)

So far, in my eight months here in New York, I've been lucky enough to walk beside three celebrities: Ana Gasteyer, Don Mattingly, and just a couple of days ago, Eva Mendez.

Or, using automobile metaphors -- a Pinto, a Civic, and just a couple of days ago, a Mercedes.

It's all relative, man. Eva Mendez is a Mercedes in my book, especially since I'm stacking her up against Ana Gasteyer and Don Mattingly.

Anyways, my phone-call to a friend actually went like this.

Dan: Dude, I'm standing next to Eva Mendez right now.
Friend: ..... is he a baseball player?

That's actually not that dumb of a response. If you think about it, Eva Mendez sorta does sound like a baseball player. A second baseman, maybe, in the Chico Lind-mold. She'd be a sub .200 hitter, but terrific at turning the double play.

"Ordonez flips it to Mendez… over to Hernandez… double play!"

Alright, that WAS a dumb response.

The two best things about the movie "Dodgeball"
1. Ben Stiller
2. Ben Stiller

The two worst things about the movie "Dodgeball"
1. No Will Ferrell
2. No Will Ferrell

Seriously, man. How can you possibly make a movie about dodgeball and NOT have Will Ferrell in it? Anyone? Does anyone have an answer for this?

Of course not. Because there is no rational explanation, or excuse, for something that stupid.

Years from now, Will Ferrell's absence from "Dodgeball" will be remembered as one of modern civilization's great mysteries. And tragedies.