Ladies and gentlemen, in honor of the American Film Institute's (AFI) release of its Top 100 Movie Quotes, I would like to present to you a list that comprises quotes from movies that are a little more up my alley, and probably yours, i.e. quotes from movies that will never win an Oscar because their scripts are laden with the words "dude" and "sucks."

I present to you, the Idiot Film Institute's (IFI) Top 10 Movie Quotes:

10. "Alright, Lloyd. Aspen it is. Aspen it is." Harry Dunne, Dumb and Dumber
--Beautifully encapsulates the essence of friendship, the kind that will never let you down, in good times and bad, through the ups and the downs, thick and thin, even after you've found your pet canary with its head missing.

9. "Can I get ONE rib?" A homeless guy, I'm Gonna Git You Sucka
--Emblematic of the poverty struggle that pervades the landscape of America. Also, the prelude to a million rolled eyes by cashiers at fast-food chains across the country in the aftermath of the film.
Customer: Uh, yeah [snickering], can I have just ONE rib? [more snickering]
Cashier: Sigh. No, you cannot have just one rib.
Customer: Can I get a sip of soda for fifteen cents?
Cashier: No.
Customer: [snickering] How about just pouring some in my hand for a dime?
Cashier: Security!

8. "Jack tells me you've got a great big cock. May I see it?" The Colonel, Boogie Nights
--MENSA scholars have been trying to decipher this one for years. And in the end, they could formulate just one immutable truth: that cock is a funnier word than penis.

7. ". . . . and sour cream!" Christmas Jones, The World Is Not Enough
--The line that launched a thousand ships. Denise Richards is the worst actress in the history of the world. You may watch her films and ask, Why? I listen to her words and ask, Why not? A true IFI icon.

6. "Yeah, I'm drunk. Tomorrow I'll be sober. But you will always be a faggot!" Alex, Double Impact
--Jean Claude Van Damme at the height of his powers. When he spoke, the world listened. And when the world listened, Van Damme made Legionnaire and Time Cop. You can use this line the next time a friend accuses you of being drunk. As Bill Walton would say, that's generally called face.

5. *Chomping his teeth,* Iceman, Top Gun
--*Chomping my teeth.*

4. "Vegas, baby! Vegas!" Double Down Trent, Swingers
--It's Vegas tradition to utter this line the night you arrive in Vegas, just like it's Vegas tradition for you and your friends to pool your remaining change together to share one sandwich on the drive home. I'm down.

3. "You wanna go upstairs and watch SportsCenter?" Mary Jensen, There's Something About Mary
--A male fantasy that I envision being a huge disappointment if it ever happens. We’ll watch SportsCenter together, and I'll say to her, "Dude, did you see the last two minutes of the Laker game last night? It was nuts," to which she'll respond, "Uh, no, I didn't see it. How did Kobe do? Did he make a lot of midrange jump shots?" And then I'd say, "Hey, I think 'Not Without My Daughter' is on Lifetime. You wanna watch that instead?"
At least it sounded cool in the movie.

2. "You ONE - UGLY - MUH-tha-FUH-ka." Dutch, Predator
--If there was a hall of fame for IFI movie quotes, Arnold Schwarzenegger wouldn’t just be a first-ballot inductee, he would be the IFI logo. You know, like what Jerry West is for the NBA.

1. “I came here tonight, and I didn’t know what to expect. I seen a lot of people hating me, and I didn’t know what to feel about that, so I guess I didn’t like you much then neither. During this fight, I’ve seen a lot of changing. The way yous felt about me, and the way I felt about you. In here, there were two guys killing each other, but I guess that’s better than 20 million. What I’m trying to say is, if I can change, and you can change, then we all can change! Everybody can change!” Rocky Balboa, Rocky IV
--I think boxers should give post-fight political speeches in the ring more often. Boxers don’t give post-fight political speeches in the ring enough these days. If boxers gave more post-fight political speeches in the ring, they could make a difference in the world, single-handedly end global conflicts, like Rocky did with the Cold War. Clark Gable, my ass.